Generally speaking - women are.

• Frustration is the first time you discover you cannot do it a second time  and Panic is the second time you discover that you cannot do it the first time.
• When wine, women and singing become too much for you, give up singing.
• Almost pitiable as the fellow who tried and found wanting is the guy who wanted and was found trying.
• A man whose credit rating is so bad that even his money is not accepted.
• Girls who do not repulse men's advances, advances men's pulses.
• All it really takes to separate men from boys is girls.
• Men who can read women like a book usually like to read in bed.
• If a girl expects to win a man, she has to exhibit a generous nature or how generous nature has been to her.
• Sometimes a girl can attract a man by his mind, but more often she ca attract him by what she doesnt mind.
• Its hard to keep a good girl down - but lots of fun trying.
• A girl should use what mother nature gave her before father time took it away.
• In every girl who has the curves there are a dozen men who have the angles.
• Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
• Next to a beautiful girl sleep is the most wonderful thing in the world.
• It is easy to lie with a straight face but nicer to lie with a curved body.
• Girls who think they will hate themselves in the morning should sleep till noon.
• Women without principles draw a lot of interest.
• It is a great life if you weaken enough to enjoy it.
• Some men do not give women a second thought. The first one covers everything.
• When a struggling stenographer quits struggling, she often discovers that she doesn't have to be a stenographer.
• Newly weds go on honeymoon for 6 days only - seventh day makes the hole weak.
• Man and mouse are both prey for pussy.
• I would be content with my lot if I had a lot.
• Poverty is a wonderful thing, it sticks with you even after all you friends have forsaken you.
• It is about as hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom heaven as for a poor man to stay alive on earth.
• I found no respect for youth when I was young. And now that I am old there is no respect for old age. I missed it coming and going.
• By the time your son is old enough not to be ashamed of you, his son is already ashamed of him.
• The trouble with being a good sport is that you have to loose to prove that.
• Being a career lady is much harder than being a career man. You have to look like a lady, act like a man and work like a dog.
• By the time you learn to make most of your life, most of it's gone.
• The more I think of life, the less I think of it.
• Freedom of speech is guaranteed not freedom after speech.
• I have read so much about the terrible effects of drinking that I have decided to give up reading.
• A definite parallel exists between whiskey and women's breasts. One is not enough and three are two many.
• Sometimes when two is company three is the result.
• A fool and his money are soon popular.
• A man is incomplete till hes married - then he's finished.
• All girls are born good - experience makes them better.
• Man, that's what I call real business. You got it, you sell it and you still got it.
• Women who are not interested in clothes probably are not interesting in clothes.
• If the girls wear their skirts any more shorter, they will have two more cheeks to powder and one more hair to comb.
• If common sense could prevent many divorces, it could prevent just as many marriages also.
• Some girls are like cigarettes; they come in packs, get lit, make you puff, go out unexpectedly, leave a bad taste in the mouth and still they satisfy.
• Louis 16th was really unlucky - he was the first man to wear high heels to look taller. But the french chopped off his head and made him look shorter.
• These days too many young beautiful women are spoiling their attractiveness by using four letter words like don't, won't, and can't.
• An executive friend of ours is so dedicated to his work that he keeps his secretary near his bed in case he gets a good idea in the night.
• Friendship and tea are good when they are hot strong and not too sweet.
• You'll have trouble pushing yourself by patting yourself on your back.

        I wish I were
        The diamond ring
        On Sridevi's hand
        So every time
        She wiped her ass
        I'd see
        The promised land.

•  A penis isn't 12 inches long coz then it would be a foot.
• The question of nuclear warfare is not what is right, but who is left.
• There are so many versions of the Bible. but people all over the world sin in the same old ways.
• Crime will not pay if we allow the government to run it.
• The government does not really care how you get the money so long as you report it honestly.
• Even if the majority agrees on an idiotic idea, it still is an idiotic idea.
• Bachelors know more about women. That's why they are still bachelors.
• He's not very amusing, he couldn't even entertain a doubt.
• Oh God when you gave woman a mouth, you went and ruined a pretty good job.
• People are lost in thought possibly because they are in unknown territory.
• Rarely is a question asked are our children learning?
• A man's got to do what he's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
• Where there's a will there is a way. Where there is no will there is a survey.
• It is not economical to go to bed early to save electricity if the result is twins.
• If it weren't for marriage men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
• Support Bacteria- that's the only culture some people have.
• Honolulu - its got everything sand for the children, sun for the wife and sharks for the mother in law.
• All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
• If you happen to die in an elevator, ensure that you press the up button.
• Age is a matter of the mind. If you don't mind it doesn't matter - Robert Frost.

         Information is not knowledge
        Knowledge is not wisdom
        Wisdom is not truth
        Truth is not beauty
        Beauty is not love.

• Common sense is seeing things as they are and doing what needs to be done.
• Courage is not absence of fear but how you overcome it.
• Its in the garden of patience that strength grows fast.
• Anytime you don't want anything, you get it.
• A husband who says his wife cannot take a joke forgets that she took him in the first place.
• Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.
• Before marriage a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage the "y" becomes silent.
• Love is the dawn of life, marriage is the sunset of love.
• I don't mind dying, the trouble is you feel so stiff the next day.
• Natives who beat the drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams.
• Critics are to authors what dogs are to lamp posts.
• Once you have put down one of his books, you simply can't pick it up again.
• Somewhere on the globe, every ten seconds there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
• Time is a good teacher, unfortunately it kills all its pupils.
• Only in America can a pizza get to you faster than an ambulance.
• The problem with a "discount sale" is that buying at such a sale also costs money.
• Marriage is bliss, Ignorance is bliss. Therefore marriage is ignorance.
• The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
• Women have cleaner minds than men because they change it quite often.
• There are two things in life for which we never really prepare - Twins
• My mothers menu's consisted of two choices - take it or leave it.
• Thanks for sending me a copy of your new book. I shall waste no time reading it.
• The average girl would rather have beauty than brains because she knows the average man can see much better than he can think.
• I grew up with 6 brothers and that's how i learned to dance waiting at the bathroom door.
• Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
• Marriage is not a word - it's a sentence.
• Golf is like a love affair. If you don't take it seriously its no fun. If you do take it seriously it breaks your heart.
• The biggest difficulty with mankind today is that our knowledge has increased so much faster than our wisdom.
• Adam was the only man who when he said a good thing knew that nobody had said it before him - Mark twain.
• The reasonable man adapts himself to the world, the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man - George Bernard Shaw.
• If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, Go ahead, Get married.
• All children are artists. The problem is how to remain an artist once they grow up.
• The most pathetic person in the world is someone who has sight but has no vision.
• If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God almighty?.
• In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life - it goes on. - Robert Frost.
• The difference in playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.
• Inflation is like sin. Every government denounces it and every government practices it.
• Why is divorce so expensive - because it is worth it.

        God has not promised
        Skies always blue
        Flower strewn paths
        All our life through
        God has not promised
        Sun without rain
        Joy without sorrow
        Peace without pain - Abdul Kalam Azad.

• Opinions are like feet. Everyone has a couple, and they usually stink.

        I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
                 I was made weak, That i might learn humbly to obey.
        I asked for health, that I might do greater things
                 I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
        I asked for riches, that I might be happy
                 I was given poverty, that I might be wise.
        I asked for power, that might have the praise of men
                 I was given weakness, that i might feel the need of God.
        I asked for all things that I might enjoy life
                 I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.
        I got nothing I asked for, but I had everything i hoped for
                 I am among men, most richly blessed.
                                                                       - Anonymous